I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
