you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
