the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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