Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
