oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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