he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
