just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
