Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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