goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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