Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
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Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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