Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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