Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
