I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
