My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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