We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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