So drunk its hurt
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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