how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
soo... how was my night?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
