Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
