I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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