I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.