how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour