rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.