question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.