I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
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I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.