I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
