And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
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Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
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My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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