Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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