What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
