just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
