the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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