If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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