On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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