Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
