There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
