no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
