i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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