so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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