Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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