I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
