So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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