also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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