worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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