Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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