Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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