Im at strip club and am horny
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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