Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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