yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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