i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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