Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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