Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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