Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
