So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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