Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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