do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
