For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
