the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
