we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
