I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
