whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
