i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
