can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
