I heard we made out
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
