watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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