come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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