My nipple is on Facebook.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
