i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
