Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
