Someone shit on the floor
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The adults are the big ones right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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