this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
