Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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