just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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