dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize