Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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