I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize