all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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