these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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